Impaired Ramblings

The world is still turning, life moves on, and two dimensional time is our reality. Allow me to demonstrate with a fun illustration mined from the Internet:

time

It’s amazing how much can change over the course of a year. For me, those changes seem extreme. They certainly feel extreme. There is no way to truly measure growth or progress in the face of such volatility. Like the stock market, for example, the volatility of which is frequently in the news. We can compare its gain or loss as compared to the day before, its highest point, lowest point, or any arbitrary date.

stockgraph
All that growth, and then…

This time last year I was in Korea preparing for my return back to the states. I was hopeful, but stressed. In the past year I’ve learned how low I can get and how being in such a state can truly change you. The challenge now is, who do I want to be going forward.

todaytomorrow
I won’t argue with the Dalai Lama.

So live in the present and cast off worries of the past and the future. Easier said than done. If responsible time travel were within reach, I’d participate. I’d go back and make minor adjustments to those circumstances that created so much pain. By this I mean, adjustments to my actions. It’s just so difficult to see a situation when you’re rooted in the middle of it. As I’ve firmly established in the name of this blog, happiness is not required to live. It’s taken me well over a year to start to see my circumstances for what they are and the choices that brought me here. What a waste. 😦

minutes

My defeatist attitude is partially fueled by a rapid onset of… not flu. I know this because I was tested and it came back negative. So, as of this past Wednesday, some other virus has afflicted me with a heavy chest, painful cough, aches, and a sore throat. Today came the pleasant addition of sinus congestion. Then pharmacist cousin suggested that maybe I have pneumonia. How pleasant would that be.

IMG_5207
Yay pneumonia!

You know how I can’t resist including a selfie in each blog. This is a sick, low-grade fever selfie. I wish I could think more clearly to write something productive at this late hour. Consider this proof of life perhaps? Hopefully I’ll have something interesting to write about in the near future.

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